Signs of the South

Officials in the Great State of Louisiana have deemed it worthwhile to put green dumpsters on the sides of the backroads. I think this is a fine idea. It keeps the woods from becoming cluttered with people's garbage. On the sides of these dumpsters are signs that read "No Scavenging." I would think scavenging would be the ultimate in the cause for recycling. One man's trash is another man's treasure. I have seen entire living room suites sitting out there for the taking. Some looked better than mine.

These bins are prime sites for graffiti. Who could resist such a nice big billboard? Spray painted on the side of one in four-foot letters was, "EDDIE LEE IS JUDAS." Only in the bible-thumping South would someone spray paint a biblical slam. I would expect to see something like "Eddie Lee sucks" or "Eddie Lee's momma is a ho," but not "Eddie Lee is Judas." Only in the South, God love her.

Just past Eddie Lee's public condemnation was a yellow caution sign. Usually these mark upcoming hazardous roadway conditions such as railroad tracks. All this sign said was "CHURCH". Only in the South would you find a sign cautioning that you are approaching a church. I guess it warns you that you have exactly one-eighth of a mile to get right with God. Throw out that demon whiskey bottle and those evil cigarettes! You are fixin' to meet the Lord! Can you pray enough in one-eighth of a mile at 55 MPH to get right with God?

The State Highway Departments of Louisiana and Arkansas aren't the only folks that put up questionable signs. On the interstates of California yellow caution signs warn "Landscaping Ahead." I suppose this means the bougainvillea will leap out and attack your car if you aren't careful. You gotta watch the oleander too, it's a little shifty-eyed. Here in the South where we actually do have carnivorous plant life known as kudzu, these signs would have some merit. You can stop for a red light and the kudzu will completely consume your car before the light changes.

My favorite sign was found in the backwoods of Clark County, Arkansas, on a little dirt road in front of a house with a living room suite in the front yard. (Maybe these folks went dumpster shopping in Louisiana.) There were actually two signs on the single signpost, handmade and lettered with care. The top sign proclaimed "Kountry-Smoked BAR-B-QUE, Ribs-Chop Pork & Beef." Below it, lettered with equal care plus a few graphic renderings of the product, was a smaller sign that read "WORMS."

Ewww.....