Vernal Equitax Rites of Remittance

March 21, 2007, 00:07 UTC (GMT) is the official Vernal Equinox for this year. Today at every location on Earth the center of the sun spends an equal amount of time above and below the horizon. I’m impressed that someone took the time and effort to figure that out.

The popular notion is the Vernal Equinox notes the day each spring when daylight and darkness are of equal length. However, due to the particulars of scientific measuring, we actually get about 15 minutes more daylight today. There is a long explanation about why this extra 15 minutes of daylight occurs, but it will make your eyes glaze over. Just trust me on that one. The exactly equal daylight/darkness thingy is the Vernal Equilux and happened several days ago.

If you translate the “official” VE time from Greenwich Mean Time to Lower Arkansas Daylight Saving Time, the Vernal Equinox occurred here yesterday at 7:07 p.m. I marked this momentous occasion by working on my taxes. The only thing equal about the day is that I spent an equal number of hours, 10 to be exact, both before and after 7:07 p.m. banging my head on the computer screen.

My tax return should be very, very simple. Why does it end up being so complicated? It should be as easy as:

• Line 1: Enter the total amount of money you made this year.
• Line 2: Multiply Line 1 by 8%
• Line 3: Write a check for the amount on Line 2.

I have seriously considered filing my taxes on plain white 8.5” x 11” paper with just that information plus the note, “In an effort to comply with the Paperwork Reduction Act, this single sheet of paper has been substituted for the friggin’ 16 pages otherwise required.”

When I got down to the bottom line on the 1040, the ominous “Amount You Owe,” the number was working out to be in the $700 range. No! No! No! That can’t be correct!

I had estimated my income and taxes back in June and changed the amount of withholdings so I would get a small refund, not an amount due. I went back and worked through all the data again. Same answer. I did all the calculations on the computer. That didn’t help. My tax estimator model must be all discombobulated. Dang it! I will be writing a check to Uncle Sam this year.

I was hoping to perform a pagan-ish Vernal Equinox tax refund dance of celebration out on the front lawn today. Instead I will be performing the Vernal Equitax Rites of Remittance down to the local PO; certified mail, return receipt requested. Sigh.