If I Were President

I'm probably the most apolitical person on the face of the U.S. Fact is, I don't much care who is President. One candidate is just about as bad as the other. I have two requirements for a "good" President:

a) (S)he prevents my home from being bombed, by adversaries either foreign or domestic.
b) (S)he keeps the monetary/banking system in this country stable. Long live the FDIC and the NYSE.

Other than that, I figure they will allow crappy laws to be made that benefit someone other than me. That's always been the case, I don't see it changing in my lifetime. Campaign promises seem to be quickly forgotten as soon as the newly elected sets foot in the Oval Office.

However, if I were running for President, this would be my platform.

1) Legalize abortion in all states for all ages upon request without any b.s. prerequisites aimed to coerce a woman out of said abortion. I don't think the gubmint should be mucking around in anyone's uterus for any reason. I think the decision to have an abortion should be the woman's alone after a consultation with a qualified physician. Nobody gets to dictate their morality on another person, especially not on another person's uterus. PERIOD.

2) Legalize marijuana; all amounts, either for sale or personal use. In fact, the vegatative matter should be inspected by the USDA and taxed and regulated like liquor and tobacco. One plus: anyone driving under the influence of marijuana would be going too slow to inflict injury on either persons or property. One drawback to legalization would be a nationwide munchies crisis and we already have a problem with obesity. Maybe we should just outlaw Twinkies and Doritos.

3) Legalize prostitution. This is just common sense. Quit hounding the hookers and let 'em be. Prohibition didn't work, why does anyone think making prostitution illegal would? Once again, the service should be inspected, taxed and regulated.

4) Express Lane Death Penalty (ELDeP). If a mope walks into a shopping mall and mows down a dozen shoppers, and his actions are witnessed by a dozen people plus a couple of video cameras, he just bought himself a ticket to the express lane. He should draw his last breath no more than 48 hours later. I see no reason to feed, house, entertain, and provide medical care for this cat for the rest of his life. Why should he take up my oxygen? I think ELDeP should also be provided for any prisoner who kills another prisoner, or who injures or kills a prison guard. Why should those folks be taking up anybody's oxygen?

5) Illegal Aliens. Illegal aliens should have no rights, and their U.S. born children should not be allowed an education in our public schools. They should all be deported as quickly as possible. I have no problem whatsoever with a citizen from another country coming to the U.S. to better their standard of living. However, they should come here legally and become a legal citizen and pay all the wonderful taxes we get to pay. Once again, tax and regulate.

6) Legalize Bloodsport a la gladiatorial combat. If gangs want to have gang wars, let them. The contests would be held in an arena with hand-to-hand combat weapons, not firearms. Innocent citizens would be safely in the stands and wouldn't be caught in the crossfire as it is now when the wars occur on the streets. Let the thugs fight to the death since this seems to be their prime directive anyway. Participation in the contests would be voluntary and legal betting would be allowed; taxed and regulated of course. In my opinion, violent people will always be violent. They will always be a threat even when locked away in prison. I don't think any rehabilitation will change that. They only cease to be violent when they are too aged to cause any more harm. Let these folks work their violence out on each other as well as raise a little tax revenue. This would be a nifty way to reduce gang populations in the prisons by the way.

I have a whole list of platforms on education reform, but those should be listed under the "If I Were Governor of Arkansas" rant. I'll get writing on that right away.

In the meantime I'll make my prediction on the presidential election: McCain will win. I don't think this country is really ready for anything other than a white guy. I think we will have four more years of decreasing personal freedoms and sucky foreign policies and invasions. Life in the U.S. will just be sucky. With McCain in the White House, the 2012 Mayan Doomsday Prophecy doesn't seem so farfetched anymore. McCain seems Red Button happy and we all may end up in a nuclear poof on Dec. 21, 2012.

I'm not a registered voter. If I were to vote, I'd probably vote for Hillary. I don't think Obama has a clue how cut-throat the office of president will be. I don't think he is ready; I don't think he has the 'nads. I think Hillary does. Plus I think she is crazy enough to scare the peedoodle out of other heads of state. We need that now.

I actually considered registering to vote in this election. The one and only time I have ever voted in my life I voted for Bill Clinton for governor when he defeated Frank White. I voted because my employer made me. He toted me to the polls and pointed a finger inside and said, "Go vote for Bill". There were 15 other races on the ballot that day. I voted for Bill and left the others blank.

I looked myself up on the on-line Arkansas Voters Registration website and, to my amazement, discovered I was registered to vote in the neighboring county. Considering that was not the county in which I registered to vote for Bill, I was a little shocked. I'm smelling voter registration fraud. But that's politikin' in the Gret Stet of Arkansaw.

Now ya know.

Speck in '08
The Sick-n-Tired of BS Candidate