How to get to Heaven from Pine Bluff, Arkansas

Some lost soul found my blog Googling for an answer to "How to get to Heaven from Pine Bluff, Arkansas." I can feel their pain and despair. Sounds like a great title for a country & western song or a Memphis blues classic.

If I found myself stuck in Pine Bluff with no possible means of escape, I could see that Heaven would seem to be the only way out. I would be praying that The Rapture was imminent to flee the torturous predicament of my existence. Now I'm not hatin' on Pine Bluff particularly...well, yes I am. I've been there once and saw no compelling reason to return. But then I have the same sentiments for almost every little town in Arkansas south of I-30.

I can imagine some poor kid desperate for a life beyond Smalltown, Arkansas pecking away at his computer keyboard in search of an answer. Maybe he was guilt-ridden over some imagined indiscretion; his tormented soul believing there was to be no forgiveness for his sins. Was it possible that a sinner in Pine Bluff, Arkansas could repent and gain access to Heaven???

Well kid, apparently you have remorse for your actions so there's hope for you yet. What did ya do? Kill somebody? He needed killin' is still a valid defense here in Arkansas. Anything other than that is no big sweat. That guilt-trip you're on was probably initiated by a small-minded individual who never left the borders of Jefferson County. Let the immortal words of Pete Townshend be your mantra, "I don't need to be forgiven."

I'll tell ya what to do kid. Get out of Pine Bluff as soon as humanly possible, but not by way of Heaven. Car, train, or bicycle will do. Join the Navy, the French Foreign Legion, or the Peace Corps. All of them will provide transportation for your exodus. Go out and see the world while you're young. Meet strange and interesting people who do not eat cornbread dressing for Thanksgiving. Discover "different" is not "wrong."

If you aren't up for worldwide adventure, at least try to cross a state line. No, no, not that way! That'll take you to Mississippi and ya really don't want to go there. Go west to Texas, maybe further to California. Maybe there's a little bit o' Heaven out thatta way. If ya find it, let me know, I'll come join you.

Whatever route you take may not get you to The Pearly Gates, but at least it will get you the hell out of Pine Bluff. That in itself would be an improvement.

Good Luck kid. Send a postcard.