Brain Fart at the PO

The line at the post office was backed up into the lobby because of the holiday rush. The mob of waiting customers were shuffling uneasily because there were only two clerks working the window and one was tied up with a lady trying to mail a package to Australia.

The lady in front of me turned around and remarked that the wait was ridiculous and that all she needed was to buy a book of stamps. I made a sympathic 'ummm' sound and frowny look. We stood there a few more minutes. She turned around again and with an annoyed tone asked:

Her: Is there anywhere else to buy stamps?

Well sure, there are lots of other places to buy stamps. I could think of three right off the bat. Unfortunately, my brain picked that exact moment to disconnect my cerebral functioning from my vocal abilities. I could see in my mind the three places, but I COULD NOT find the words to communicate.

Me: Yes, there's.....ummmm.......

Crap! What is the word for that place??? The raised platform office thingy at the front of the grocery store where the assistant manager sits and the cute little blonde girl with the long braid counts the recipts and they sell money orders and stuff at the front of the store a wooden box thingy with half glass around it over there by the little bank branch at the front of the store what is that thingy called??? What is the term??? Two words, starts with 'C'. Damn, why can't I remember???

Me: Ummmm.....

Well now I look like a fool OK brain ditch the name of the cubicle thingy just try to get the name of the grocery store out she can figure out where in the store once she gets there. What IS the name of that store? It's on the corner there by the car dealership and Walgreens and has the gas station out front big beige building red letters on the sign out there at the end of the main drag. What is the name of the store????

Her: Puzzled looks

Me: Brookshires! At Brookshires grocery store, and Wal-Mart at the....ummmm....

Crap! What is the name of that little manager booth thingy...

Me: ....at the customer service desk. Whew! I can't seen to find my words today.

I felt the need to offer some explanation of my stammering reply because, geez, Brookshires and customer service are not big words, they should have been at the tip of my tongue. The lady was beginning to get the look of dawning realization that I was probably "a little slow" as in "that girl ain't right" slow.

Her: Both of those are all the way across town, is there anywhere closer?

Me: Yes, just around the corner is a....uh......

Oh geez, I must be stroking out just like that guy on the episode of House where he had an infection in his jaw that caused a bunch of little blot clots to form and go to his brain and he couldn't remember the word 'dentist' do I have any infections above the neck that would cause a blood clot I don't remember one is that a lump there?

Me: ....if you have cash.....um.....

Think brain, think! What is the word for that big gray thing with the plate glass window front and you can see all the little stamp booklets on the big screw thingys like candy bars and you put your money in the slot and push A7 and the stamps screw out and fall down and you get Sacagawea dollar coins for change what is the word what is the word what is the word?

At this point I could feel the blood clots bubbling along in the arteries in my neck heading straight for my brain. I heard one squeak as it lodged firmly into place in my left cerebral cortex.

Dentist! Dentist! Dentist! OK I can remember that maybe I'm not stroking out maybe I'm just stoopid what is the name of that big gray machine thingy that is ten feet away in the lobby around the corner that I could just point to it's just ten feet away it's a machine a machine that's part of the word I'm looking for the other one starts with a 'V' what is the word what is the word??? Vending! Vending machine!

Me: ....um if you have cash, there's a vending machine just around the corner over there.

The lady followed the direction of my pointed finger, said thanks, and eased away from me very carefully. She had that wide-eyed uneasy look of someone who had finally concluded that I was mentally deranged, drugged out, or the biggest dumbass she had ever encountered.

She was correct on two of the three.

Sigh.