The Secret Life of Crayons

I am four years old sitting at an institutional mint green horseshoe-shaped table at Miss Higgs Little Red Schoolhouse. It is the first day of kindergarten and I open my brand new box of crayons. Umm...can't ya just smell 'em?

There are eight big, fat, crayons; flat on one side so they won't roll off the table. I cherish the new crayons, not yet despoiled. They are the first crayons that are mine and all mine, not the leftover crumbles from two older sisters.

But oh!, they are in the wrong order. I know inherently that they are supposed to be in this order: yellow, orange, red, green, blue, purple, brown, and black. They must be in that order so I will know where to find them in the box. I put them away in that order when coloring time is over.

I know too, at the age of four, that all the colors have a gender, and they all have personalities. It's just obvious to me and I don't understand why the other kids don't see it too. Today I have a better vocabulary to explain the personalities, but they haven't changed since that first day of kindergarten.

Yellow - female. Yellow is the most feminine of the colors, a real girly-girl. She is ruffles and lace, and must be "taken care of" and protected from the big, bad world. She is a princess and not much will be asked of her because she is too delicate to accomplish much. She doesn't play outside because she doesn't like to get dirty.

Orange - female. Orange is the tomboy of the three girl colors. She eschews dresses, preferring to wear jeans and boy clothes. She is the treehouse builder and mudpie maker. She is not afraid of hard physical labor and can diagnose and repair your carburetor troubles. She probably lives on a farm and spends lots of her time caring for animals.

Red - female. Red is bitchy and dominant. She is the queen and what she says goes. Nothing or nobody is an obstacle to getting what she wants. Not many of the other colors like her because of her harsh personality.

Green - male. Green is rather meek, mild and submissive. He has a happy-go-lucky personality but is the underdog and gets picked on at the playground. He is the class clown, trying to fit in with humor.

Blue - male. Blue is the All-American male. He is good-looking, smart, does the "right thing" and never gets into trouble; the guy you want your daughter to date. He is a natural-born leader. Blue gets along with everyone and is well-like by all the other colors.

Purple - male. Purple is another strong male personality, but unlike Blue, he marches to the beat of a different drummer. He stands to the side in a crowd, watching rather than participating. He doesn't conform with mainstream thought and is a quiet radical: a passive-aggressive type. He is the quiet hippy and beat poet.

Brown - male. Brown is the cowboy of the bunch. He drives a pick-up truck and drinks Schlitz beer down at the pool hall. On Sunday morning he goes to church with his momma and watches his language. He will do honest, hard work on the farm all his life like his father and grandfather before him.

Black - male. Black is cloaked in mystery. A cool, James Bond type character that lets no one into his world. He is not meant for this time and place and will be a traveler to far off exotic places.

My crayons had secret lives that I was always eager and excited to discover. They knew about the world and revealed their knowledge to me little by little with each stroke of color. All I had to do was watch them dance across the page as they told their tale.

I loved kindergarten.

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UPDATE:

This is what the flat crayons looked like in their box. Different brand, but the concept is the same.

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UPDATE #2

Even though I am gray-haired and bi-focaled with nary a child or grandchild in sight, I still have an affinity for Crayola products. The smell of a fresh box of crayons still stirs my soul to this day. My personal collection: