It's the End of the World as We Know It...

-or-
THREE THINGS ABOUT THE YEAR 2012

The History Channel is airing a series called The Universe and tonight was the premier episode, Secrets of the Sun. We couldn't tear ourselves away from the tube. It was fascinating stuff. They were able to make astrophysics accessible to ordinary bubbettes like me who can barely find the Big Dipper most nights. Woo Hoo! I highly recommend this show. I hope the rest of the episodes are just as great.

One of the things I learned is that the sun has an eleven-year cycle of sunspot activity. Sunspots and solar flares occur most when the sun changes its magnetic polarity or plasma rotation or something like that. Solar flares blast radioactive plasma goo out into the universe like a shotgun. If the plasma happens to shoot towards Earth, it toasts our electronics because the radioactivity interrupts the flow of electrons. If the sun shoots a double-ought buckshot load of plasma goo towards earth, people will be toast.

The period during the eleven-year cycle with the most sunspot activity is called the solar maxima, and the last one was in 2001. The next one is predicted for 2012.

I recommend Toast Protector© SPF 4500 sunscreen, or a lead jumpsuit, whichever is most suitable for the conditions.

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Ten years ago I attended an investment brown bag lunch at my local Edward Jones office. The speaker explained the huge financial impact Baby Boomers have on the stock market and the economy as a whole. Basically his advice was to figure out what Baby Boomers are buying, then buy stock in that company. You will quadruple your money.

He also said when Baby Boomers start to reach retirement age, they will begin pulling their money out of the stock market for lower risk investments. The stock market will then go into a 30-year decline the likes of which the U.S. has not seen since the Great Depression. This decline is predicted starting in 2012.

I recommend buying stock in OTC arthritis medications, but sell before Dec. 31, 2011.

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The ancient Mayan calender, which seems to be uncannily accurate, ends soon. Some people interpret this as the date the Mayans calculated to be end of the world because they didn't bother to make a new calender. Others interpret this date as the end of an "age" when the world as we know it is supposed to be "transformed." The last day of the Mayan calender and the specified date for said transformation is Dec. 21, 2012.

I wonder if the Mayans figured out we would be transformed into toast by a killer solar flare? That would consolidate several theories very nicely. I think they just failed to get the new calender to the printers before their whole civilization croaked.

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It seems that something big is gonna happen around 2012. I don't know whether I will be transformed or toasted or transformed into toast. Either way I'm sellin' my stock. The moral of the story is to enjoy the next five years because in 2012 we may all be screwed.



Cue R.E.M. tune:
It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine.