Another astrophysics post, sorry. I've got this stuck in my head and need to poop it out of my brain. If you aren't the Adonis of Astrophysics Neil deGrasse Tyson, or Auld Hat, you might want to move on to the next blog. Anybody else, fair warning, your brain might explode.
So I'm watching this TV show on Dark Matter. Not the Dark Matter from The Golden Compass movie; Dark Matter that astrophysicists drool over.
It is supposedly some stringy snotlike stuff that glues all the bits of the universe together. That don't know what it is exactly because it can't be seen or felt, but they know it is out there holding things together because it bends light. It's not everywhere in the universe, just in strings from galaxy to galaxy.
There was an animation showing all these beautiful ginormous stringy structures a katrillion light years wide with all kinds of arms and branches. (Note my use of the scientific terms "ginormous" and "katrillion." Aren't you so proud?)
The question of the millennium is "What is Dark Matter?"
Well, dit di dee <--Carlos Mencia voice
I'm just a little ol' hick from Arkansaw, but the answer seems obvious to me...dark matter is time.
Time bends light.
All the bits of our universe are held together with the stringy snot of time. If we could somehow break out of the snot string, we would be able to do the old Star Trek warp drive jump thingy. We could breach the membrane of the branch of dark matter holding our galaxy and break into the void of non-time, then break back into the dark matter on some other branch of the snot string.
Perhaps black holes are the gateways in and out of the dark matter.
The question then becomes, "What is non-time?"
Has your brain exploded yet?
I have not yet calculated the formula for non-time but I'll get right to work on that...after I figure out how to make Fettuccine Alfredo sauce. We budding astrophysicists have to eat ya know.
There might also be pie.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Dark Matter
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6 comments:
Oh no you don't. You do NOT get to be all lozzy lozzy loo and come up with THEE answer that keeps the scholars one step away from a Nobel prize and then just casually threaten pie. Of course there will be pie. pft.
Mayhaps these stringy time snots are the zippy tunnels near-dead folks talk about eh? Mayhaps it's all just zippy tunnels from one life to the next. Oh dear, now I do need pie.
I love your astrophysicists posts. It's stuff I ponder more than I care to think about.
Oh, and the absence of time is the absence of movement. Conversely, if nothing moved, time would not exist. Aristotle said so.
Oh I love fettucine alfredo, Dark Matter thingees and Pie...where is the pie?
Oh, I like your theory. Sounds absolutely positively accurate to me. Of course, I also believe in mermaids, so I might not be the best judge, but it's a lovely notion, just the same. Did you ever make your alfredo?
Hat - Oh yes I did. You can come with me to Stockholm when I accept the prize. We can get massages and eat some pie. Stringy Time Snots, or STSs, big grin. I'm callin' em that from now on.
Buck - Your AV Club geekiness is showing. Come on in to Speck-n-Hat's Astrophysics & Muffler Repair Shop. Pull up a beanbag and set a spell. Just move the cat over, she won't mind. We have some velly interlusting discussions. Currently refining the Frayed Jump-Rope Fluidity of Time Theory. Wanna play?
I have issues with Aristotle's theory. There are days when there is an absence of movement of my butt from the couch, yet time still existed. Pfft.
Sage - Pie is over there on the stack of tailpipes. Will pecan do?
Kimberly Ann - Haven't mustered the courage on the alfredo yet. Half-n-half and grated Parmigiano-Reggiano are considered "exotic" ingredients in my house.
So ... where do unicorns fit in?
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