No, I have no idea where this stuff comes from. It just pops in my head and won't go away.
Yes, I'm weird.
That was going to be the entirety of the post for today until this conversation with Hubby:
I saw your sexual flower drawing...
It's not sexual.
I don't get it.
Get what?
The joke.
(sigh) It's not sexual and there is no joke. It's just a weird flower thingy I drew. A *uvula* (waggly finger pointing at mouth) is that little hangy down thing in the back of your throat. You're thinking of a *vulva*. I'm not sure what a vulva is but I think I've got one somewhere in my panties.
Well, obviously I need to tell the backstory of this drawing.
This flower thingy is something that's been stuck in my head and I needed to draw it out so it would go away. The crux of it is the balloony "E" shape. The shape itself was what got stuck in my head.
I saw it as a sci-fi futuristic flower that was red with a darker maroon interior. The whole drawing was supposed to be bright, bold colors with thick black lines. I tried drawing it digitally, but it just wasn't satisfying.
For my soul to be happy I need to feel the swooping motion of pen against paper. There is something timeless about old-fashioned drawing that digital just doesn't satisfy for me, so I dragged out my paper and crayons.
After drawing and outlining my sketch, I had the option to color it with Sharpies or colored pencils. While Sharpies would get me the rich color I wanted, the palette is rather limited and I can't blend the colors. The pencils are more forgiving of mistakes and I can blend the colors for life and depth. So pencils won.
When I draw I start out with an image in my head and try to capture it on paper. I know what the finished product should look like, but somewhere in the process the drawing takes on a life of its own and decides to be something else entirely. I end up being just a poor sap with a pencil who is along for the ride. Such was the case with these flowers.
After the drawing demanded the colors and shading it wanted, the flowers ended up looking like that little hangy down thing in the back of your throat with a tongue behind it. The heart-shaped leaves looked like the leaves of the wild violets that grow around here. So I titled it Uvulan Violets and called it done.
I tried to explain all this to Hubby. I even did a quick sketch with Sharpies to show him the flowers were actually supposed to be sci-fi looking, not sexual. I hold up this sketch to Hubby.
See???? Now does that look sexual???
He starts in with that husband-caught-with-his-ass-in-a-crack patter where his voice goes up a couple of octaves and is accompanied by much arm flinging.
I didn't know what it was supposed to be I thought you had drawn some girly parts flower picture with ovaries and vulvularies and I didn't get the joke I don't know what all those vulvulary things are or why you drew them as flowers......
Vulvularies. (grin) Yep, Hubby makes up words as he goes along too. As he is flinging around and ranting, I look up vulva on Wikipedia and read him what is says.
A vulva is, "the region of the external genital organs of the female, including the labia majora, mons pubis, labia minora, clitoris, bulb of the vestibule, vestibule of the vagina, greater and lesser vestibular glands, and vaginal orifice."
I stand up, circle my hands in my crotch area, give a little Michael Jackson hip thrust in Hubby's direction and say in a cutesy, squealy little girl voice:
A vulva is a *chootchie*!
His face brightens considerably thinking he has been proven correct.
Yeah, a chootchie! You drew a chootchie flower!
(sigh)
Uvula. It's that little hangy down thing in the back of your throat....
14 comments:
Why does that totally sound like a conversation with my husband?
oh man..that made me laugh so much...great way to start my day...i like the idea of a man knowing what a coochie is over a vulva...hell, i thought it was a foreign car and I have you..a vulva not a foreign car..
Ahhh... sorry I was with hubby on this one for a while there... not that I've had much experiences with vulvas.
I absolutely adore how your mind works.
Don't churches have vestibules too?
Buck I think you mean navels don't you? Or some churches have big apses!
oh my that was a great post! I am cracking up here in my work cubicle. I totally loved your explanation, how you went from digital, back to pencils, to the sharpies... Loved it loved it loved it! You need to get a digital tablet, it helps a bunch, and you have digital pen to draw with. Look for one used, thats how I got mine.
Oh that is funny, but I will admit at first glance I thought the same as your husband...
I love the drawing though..love the leaves.
I recognized them for uvulas as soon the page popped up. Men have vulvulas on the brain, ha! And girl -- you should know better to ask a penis-bearer "Does that look sexual", regardless of what you're referring to. Come on now.
I agree about the pen/pencil stuff -- I am definitely a pencil/charcoal/white pencil kind of gal. Now the Bohemian is a Sharpie artist. It's her favorite medium. I can't imagine it. I have to be able shade, blend, erase, change ... hmm, I think that says something about me on a larger scale. The daughter isn't afraid to commit with the permanent ink, right up front. My artistic skillz require much more forgiveness than do hers!
Dora - It's the husband gene. They develop it right after the "I do".
Granny - I like that he knows what to do with one. TMI?
Willym - I don't have *any* experience other than with my own, and that's a whole 'nuther perspective.
Buck - Yes, vestibule, the doorway to the holy sacredness of the tender pink parts. Bow down in awe.
Lost - I'm searching for one, trust. Haven't yet been successful.
Sage - I guess I can see where it might look sexual, but then I've only seen my own chootchie...from a very different angle.
Cowbell - "Hey honey, does this vacuum cleaner look sexual???" "Vacuum cleaner this baby" (grabbing crotch). Yeah, I know what ya mean.
To all - I found a drawing of Violet the Vulva
for your viewing entertainment.
Hilarious! :)
And you are so creative! I must say, I am quite envious. *smiles*
Some men and all sex. That's all I'm saying because it's already been said. I can NOT persuade A. to give it a rest.
For sure, paper, pen, brush, canvas - the things you can touch and feel - are the best best best. Well. In my opinion.
But digital work has its own something else. Once a thing is mastered there, it's hard to get it in the physical world. Very strange.
Anyway. I think you'd like digital a lot better if you were using a tablet and programs with touch sensitive brushes. (Oh. I see lostinco's comment. I totally agree. A tablet and, at the very least, Artrage.)
Oh, this is just perfectly delightful in every way and it makes my uvula wiggle.
My violets don't have uvulas......when they curl up at night to sleep they have clappers. See, Steve is too analytical and pharmaceutical to even have that conversation. He would think it was a pill or capsule.
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